Assalamualaikum,

Today remarks one of the day where I feel hopeless, lonely, stress - which to the limit I cried super hard until my sons came and hugged me and tapped me on the back and asked "why mommy sad?" - and I cried even harder to hear that word came from a 4 and 2 years old boy. I started to wonder. These 2 child can even know when mommy isn't in a good mood. While their daddy - sometimes can be so heartless and ignorant.

Before I started crying super hard, my first son saw my tears in my eyes and he asked "Why mommy cry?". And I answered "I am just too tired" and he answered "Mommy tak tido ke petang tadi?". I replied back that I'm tired because they both slept every night on both of my hands and I can't move my hands or even my body, and if I move them on to their pillow, they began to cry and throw tantrum in the middle of the night and I am just toooo tired for everything. Then he said "Okay lah, abang tak tido atas tangan mommy dah lepas ni". And true enough, tonight, he didn't sleep at all on my hands. 😭😭😭 Such a super good boy you are. As for Nadzmin, he still too little to understand that. So, it's okay.

To be honest, sometimes I just don't know if I am being rational - for being sad for things that I think I deserve to be sad. Or  if I am being emotional - as my pregnancy hormones start to kick off for imbalance-ness.

All I wanted now is just for me to be calm and super patient for the upcoming days.

I feel like I need to talk to somebody - and for now I think talking to my husband is useless. Hence, this blog post.

Till then, toodles!

-adios-