Mommy Monster: Zaheen and Septic Athritis

-------This post was actually written in April 14, 2019 and has been in draft since then-------

Assalamualaikum,

So last month had been a super duper hectic month for me. I had to settle down so many things regarding Awa's wedding since she's working in KL, so I am the one who is in charge of the wedding, well, most of the thing lah. I am happy to do it anyway because first, she helped me a lot during my wedding day 5 years ago and second, I loveeeeee all the wedding thingy you know.

So actually there's one point of the moment when I realize I was actually kinda burnout because of the busyness of Awa's wedding, and my master's class schedule. Mind you this semester I need to attend class all day a week except for Wednesday, which is not really "except" since I need to fill up my counselling session log. So, still, I need to come to campus on Wednesday. To make a long story short, I had a presentation on Monday 18 March, and Awa's wedding was on 22 March. On Sunday night, Zaheen started to feel pain in his left leg. He didn't sleep well on that night and showed pain in his left thigh. I was thinking the pain could be because of muscle since he knocked his left feet on the bed bump before that, so I kinda ignored it and just put on some minyak telon on his thigh without massaging anything.

The next day, on Monday, Zaheen didn't go to school since he said he cannot walk. And true, I need to dukung him up and down everywhere. At that time, I still think that maybe settok karrong or anything related to muscle. I did my presentation that day and on that night, the condition is still the same. The next day, he still couldn't walk and worst, he cannot even move his leg. What I am really concerned about is, he usually is a very active boy even though he feels pain anywhere. But this time, he just sits down and just looks at his cousins and baby brother playing around. He didn't move his leg at all. So I decided to bring him to do an x-ray in the clinic near our house. Then my emak suggested going to KTS for pakar since she too feel worried about his condition. So my emak and I went to KTS after booking an appointment with Ortho Surgeon. So after the surgeon did some checks, he said he feels like this is just a normal muscle cramp, but he too feels something is not right so he asked us to do an ultrasound with the radiologist, to rule out Septic Arthritis. After Zaheen had the ultrasound, the radiologist showed me the liquor inside Zaheen's joint that makes him feel pain & cannot move his leg. He suggested discussing with the surgeon for the next plan since this doesn't looks good. So went upstairs again and met the surgeon. The first thing he said, "Nasib baik saya buat juga ultrasound, tengok ni". So his diagnosis was proven. It was really Septic Arthritis. He said Zaheen don't really come out with a clinical sign of septic arthritis which usually comes along with a high fever. But he feels something is not right since kids do not lie. He said he's in pain when he feels the pain.

The surgeon comes out with the next plan which is: Emergency Operation, a week of IV antibiotics, and 3 weeks of oral antibiotics at home. Aiyoyo. I was shocked and devastated, truly was. I was in the medical line before, of course, I know what's happening. If Zaheen doesn't go for an emergency operation, if the infection infected the bone, Zaheen will be forever cacat. So he needs to undergo emergency surgery ASAP. He asked me the last time Zaheen eat, so he planned to do the surgery at 3pm. I was totally blank at that time. Don't know what to feel. Then I handed my husband's IC number to clear up with the insurance company to the nurse. I signed the consent and quickly called my husband, but my husband DID NOT answer the phone. He only replied to my WhatsApp "Jap, tgh jumpa panglima". Ya ya, this time I wanna use Arman Rahmat's tagline in Paskal the Movie "Keluarga, negara, sama je". Pfft. I is redha... 30 minutes later, after reading my full-of-crying-emoticon-whatsapp, he called to ask what happened. Pfft. BUT, lucky me, he was scheduled to fly back here since that was the initial plan for Awa's wedding.

So Zaheen was warded. The paeds puts on his IV line. He strong boy indeed, he doesn't even cry. Mommy adores you for that. That is how important to NOT to scare your child to see doctor, nurse, dentist etc. He doesn't feel scared but feels helped instead. Alhamdulillah for that. At 3pm, the nurse came and pushed Zaheen to the OT. I was allowed to go to the recovery area. Inside the ward before, I tried to explain to Zaheen that he was going to go inside one room, and the doctor gonna cut where he feels the pain and suck out the thing that makes him feel pain. He seems to understand that. To be honest, I don't actually worry about the surgery, I am actually worried about post-op. What if he feels more pain due to the surgery? What if he cries nonstop because of the pain? And many more what if.

So in the recovery area, the nurses were super nice. They made Zaheen a balloon stating, "Get well soon Zaheen". Hihi. And then when the surgeon was ready, they pushed Zaheen inside the OT. It was super cold like a usual operation room, and it reminds me of my study time and HO-ship time. I tried to be calm. It did feel different. To actually assist your doctor to do surgery on other people, and to actually assist your child who is going to undergo surgery. Damn, I feel I was in the cloudiest moment at that time. It was a General anaesthesia surgery, which means fully unconscious. Then the anaes specialist spoke with Zaheen, and I tried to distract Zaheen on dinosaurs. The doctor put on some medicine inside the IV line and within seconds, Zaheen sleeps. The doctor asked me to kiss him and wait outside. I just gave him a quick kiss, truth is, I cannot bear to see Zaheen's face.

Then one of the nurses brought me to the counselling room. I. Was. All. Alone. So I keep myself busy playing with my phone before the nurse knocked on the door and said, "Haaa ni hari hari ni makcik ada kawan", referring to one old lady who just stepped inside. So I talked to her. She waited for her granddaughter repair surgery. Her granddaughter fell while playing on a bicycle and tearing up her skin and breaking her radius bone. So this is actually her second-time surgery because the first one had some problems and her grandmother had to wait for the surgery because her parents were running out of sick leave.

Anyway, around 30 minutes after that, the nurse called up that makcik because her granddaughter's surgery had already been done. Then it's time for me to nervously wait alone for Zaheen's surgery to be done. The phone signal inside the counselling room was weak, so I can't really browsing for social media, leaving me anxious as I could ever feel. So what I did was doa and doa and doa for everything. After a few moments, the nurse came and called up my name. Alhamdulillah surgery was done successfully. I cried seeing my son in that condition. But feels soooo thankful. After that, the nurse pulled him to the ward. Around 30 minutes later, he was fully conscious and asked for food. Mommy, Zaheen lapar nak makan. But he cannot eat first. So I just give him a few sips of plain water. After a few minutes, the nurse came and allowed him to eat roti. He finished one whole chocolate bread and did not vomit after. Alhamdulillah.

The next day evening, my husband arrived. Then we took turns to look after Zaheen. We stayed at the hospital for 8 days because of antibiotics IV. But we still managed to go out for CikAwa's wedding with the doctor's approval and back in the evening for IV injection. Alhamdulillah.

At the time I feel the most down moment on earth, Allah always helped me to straighten up my head again. I am forever grateful and blessed, Alhamdulillah.